Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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