My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
