Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
