I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
