I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
