He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A bitchslap is in order.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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