she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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