i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
