Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
