i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
