she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
