I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
