dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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