Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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