I'd wear matching sweaters with you
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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