then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
