I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
