He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
