were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
