i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
