...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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