Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
