I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
