butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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