the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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