I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
