Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
