If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
