doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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