mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
well you can't waste a boner
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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