i think my tv is drunk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
