The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
