the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We need a shit load of segways right now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
