You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
two words...techno handjob
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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