This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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