woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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