The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
