2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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