How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
