did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
