don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
