I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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