I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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