Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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