Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
