Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
