The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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