If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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