my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
