saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
