I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im six kinds of drunk right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
