I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
