I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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