you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
