he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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