I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
