are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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