Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize