The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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