It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
