I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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