A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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