Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
