you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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