elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
