I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
