i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
