i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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