Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
