You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
