i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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