She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
