Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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