It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
