I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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